People say having Amnesia is devastating. That uncertainty about everything, not knowing what or who you can trust. Suddenly you have no frame of reference. We are all creatures of our past, more or less. We act out of references from similar situations. We know this causes pain, that brings rewards. If you have amnesia, how would you know? Every experience is new and terrifying. That's what they say.
I think there is something worse. Waking up to find that your entire past was a lie. Your memories are in-tact, but all the references we've built up were fabricated by someone else. Things you thought you knew for a fact are no longer true. You cannot fall back on memories and reassuring "truths" - they don't exist. They were all faked. How do you go on? How do you respond to any situation, knowing that your natural reaction and learned tactics are useless? It is a kind of torture, hanging in limbo. There is no guarantee on anything anymore and you wander around feeling like you are adrift in the sea. You don't know where land is anymore - the beach you see before you could be just another mirage. So many things have proven themselves to be lately. You drift and drift, getting so tired. Your muscles ache and there is a deep-down tiredness that makes you just want to give up. Give up and sink. At least death is never a lie - the end is the end. But this life, of exertion without the promise of reward takes all of you. It drains your soul.
We all live on hope, to some extent. What do you do when there is none left? When you can't trust anything? How do you cope? Is there even a way?
Amnesia seems like a sweet dream. Forgetfulness, not knowing about the lies and not having your whole world proven false. There is simply nothing... from which you can build a new life and build new memories.
